oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
