Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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