I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
