i just wanna soil my oats bro
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
