The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
