It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
