So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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