i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
