Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
