I need help removing her.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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