I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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