You're completely useless in the revolution.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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