I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
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Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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