Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
