Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
