Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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