i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
