This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
