just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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