i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
