there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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