her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
