We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They should really pass out barf bags in church
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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