So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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