i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
