Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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