ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
