dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
