Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
