She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize