So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
