it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
