how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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