life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
