i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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