you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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