I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
