Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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