everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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