I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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