It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
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I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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