she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
