My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
