so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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