Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
