Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
