Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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