I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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