Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
