I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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