I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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