So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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