Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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