I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
