Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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