so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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