I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
