i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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