I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I understand Curling. That high.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
