He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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